“Why can’t I orgasm?” is a common question, and there are many possible causes, most of which are treatable. Difficulty reaching orgasm in women can be related to challenges communicating with a partner, limited knowledge of what feels good, symptoms of anxiety or depression, psychological conflicts, hormonal changes, medication use, or the transition to menopause, among other factors.
A very common issue is having trouble recognizing what brings pleasure and which areas of the body feel best when stimulated. This can be influenced by a more sexually restrictive upbringing and a culture that treats female sexuality as passive. For that reason, self-exploration, such as masturbation, touching yourself, and paying attention to your responses, can help you learn what you like and what you do not like so you can communicate it to your partner during sex.
Another frequent factor is the relationship with a partner, since trust and communication are essential for a satisfying sexual experience. It can help to say what is going well during sex and encourage your partner to keep doing it, and to also share what feels unpleasant or uncomfortable.
Trying to relax and fully enjoy the moment is also important. Feeling anxious about wanting to orgasm can actually make it harder to reach orgasm. Some studies show that even when many women are not able to orgasm, they may still feel satisfied with sex because of the closeness and intimacy it can create.
It's also worth remembering that anxiety disorders and depression can result in low libido and anorgasmia, which is the absence of orgasms. Likewise, medications used to treat these conditions, such as antidepressants, can also affect libido. Talk with your doctor if you are taking any medications.
If you're looking for specialized help, a gynecologist is a good place to start. They can do a general checkup to see whether your difficulty reaching orgasm is connected to your sexual health. If it’s not, they can guide you to other professionals who can help, like an endocrinologist or a psychologist.